Most would argue that empathy is a good thing, and of course it is. When we’re hurting and a friend acts in a way that communicates that they know what we are going through, we feel loved. Empathy is an essential part of the development of healthy attachment in babies and in strong adult relationships as well. Most studies on empathy, therefore, look for how we can develop more.

For empaths, developing more empathy is not the problem; managing our overwhelmed nervous systems in the face of others’ suffering, is. As it turns out, most of us are not very good this.

PART II

7. This is Who You Are

In 2010 I remembered again. It was one of those “burning-bush” moments when God revealed itself to me—the kind that I tell my students not to look for.

Why? Because the Divine doesn’t usually speak to us this way, and looking for it is a distraction. The Sacred lives in the subtle. The quieter we become, the easier it is to hear the “small, still voice” within. But we’ve become conditioned to ignore the small, still voice, and look for the sonic boom. We expect our spiritual experiences to mimic the pace of adrenalized movies. Our brains want jump cuts and dopamine hits, and those of us who are spiritual seekers sometimes become addicted to peak experiences, breakthroughs, and intensity. We expect God to crack us over the head with a 2 x 4, and sometimes it does happen that way. Usually when we are too stubborn to pay attention to the small, still voice within.